According to me in-laws are parents who adopted you after your wedding. When you marry someone, you marry the whole family. Some things to keep in mind regarding this relationship are:
*They are your spouse’s parents. They are close to them. So if they are happy your spouse is happy. This equation applies to most families.
*During the initial years of marriage let the husband/wife deal with their respective parents. Wait till you have a comfortable relationship with your in-laws.Never jump in and take charge to communicate anything to your in-laws. Make sure you both agree on it first and he/she has to communicate things to his/her parents.
* Always remember they are from previous generation. Their views on things will be different and you have to be mentally prepared to deal with it.
* Like any relationship it takes years to build trust. Just because you married their son/daughter doesn’t mean you immediately become their close ones with whom you can share anything.
* Whatever said and done they are from a different family. You dont know how they grew up or their background as they dont know much about you.
*Do not compare them with your parents. There will always be some difference and share with your spouse on what you feel about it.
*Don’t try too much to satisfy them. If you try that, you will not live your life. As far as you believe in what you do just keep going.
* Don’t be too anxious about their visits. I still remember how anxious I was the day before my in-laws landed in US for their first visit after our wedding. Eventually everything went on well.
One thing that I want to stress is that, though they are not your parents they always wish good for you and your family. Your kids need them and as grandparents they will pour their love on them. I know some families where people are more comfortable with their in-laws than their own parents. Also there are exceptions where you have to deal with the worse. Everything takes time be patient until you build a relationship with them and remember that you will also become in-laws to someone in the future.Please share your thoughts on this.