If you had read my previous post My first American Wedding, you will know that, not only our week days but our weekends are also busy . We are always on the go. Today morning I had to stay home with my kids for a while. Since it is a weekday I didn’t have to worry about laundry,cooking, grinding dosa batter, cleaning etc. I got relaxed time to enjoy and play with my kids. I really enjoyed it and I was able to observe them and enjoy their cute smiles. Finally when we were in the car my son told me “I am really happy to be with you at home, amma”. After hearing this , I started feeling sad and guilty. The first thing that struck my mind was “What am I doing with my life?”. My inner voice started to talk “Time is flying, in no time they will be grown up and you will never be able to play and enjoy with them. You are really missing a lot in life just sitting in front of this stupid laptop, they are your kids, you have to take care of them, they are really happy when you are there blah blah blah…….”, I dont know how, whenever these kind of thoughts start in my mind they flow and build up and I will end up being very upset and will feel like I really want to be home with my kids.
Hello everyone..hope all of you had a wonderful day. Today morning I had to stay home with my kids longer than usual. I really enjoyed that time with both of them. Today’s topic is about that.
Then my other inner voice started talking “It will be hard to do this daily, you will not be able to cook,clean and take care of them, having a career is always the best, you need your time and space, you need money for their education, focus on spending quality time rather than quantity time”. After so much debating with my mind I finally reached work and forgot about all this, in the issues I was dealing there.
Then after reaching home in the evening the guilt overbuilt and I took my son separately for a walk to spend mom & son lone time. Then played with my daughter to have lone time with her . Then went again for a walk with both the kids, I dont know what to say. It is all just my mind, playing with me. I think if I stayed home I would have had the same inner voice talking in the opposite order, wanting me to go and work. I just think I have to let go of it and try to enjoy the little joys and be happy. I really wish I could control my mind ,unfortunately I am not Buddha.